Just a little grumpy..

I know I said I was going to keep this more positive but today...I am just a little grumpy. It seems as if every time I start to pick things up and walk forward, something is there to stop me (I will go into that in a minute).

Another contributing factor to the grumpiness? They pushed Chris' flight back AGAIN. This would make it the sixth change and more than 24hours later from his original time and date. Now, I expected delays and I am thankful he is coming home...but gosh darnit how much longer are they going to keep us waiting to finally see our soldiers? The Army's motto is still true: hurry up and wait! So, that is what I am doing. Waiting as patiently as possible without snapping at everyone who decides to text me asking when he is coming home. They are just as excited as me so I am trying ever so diligently to make sure I keep it short and to the point when asked. Please don't take offense to this. I have just been waiting and waiting and waiting to FINALLY have my family whole again just for it to keep getting put off because of BS that doesn't even make sense. I promise it's not you.

**Update since I wrote this: Chris is ON TIME now. Hopefully it stays that way because I need some kisses ;)**

As for what I mentioned earlier...I swear every time I take a step forward when it comes to mine and my ex's relationship (relationship is a bit of an extreme term for it..maybe our civility?) he throws something in the road so we come to a full stop. No, I don't want to be your friend on Facebook to start crap..you want to see pictures of the kids and that is the only way you will for now because quite honestly, I am done going out of MY way to make YOU happy when you don't appreciate it. I am not going to make a disc of pictures and send them to you because you think you are entitled to that. That costs money and takes time. I take a lot of pictures..do you know how many discs and hours that would take? I am not your wife anymore and that is not my responsibility. My bad for asking for the pics of me pregnant with Presleigh and Braedyn from your hard drive. I didn't know that would give you reason to fight with me. For whatever reason he seems to think my world still revolves around him when it does not. In fact, unless he is messaging me, I don't even think of him. Maybe that is what frustrates me most. I have done everything he has asked, I try and I try and I try to be nice to him, and all he does is make it about him. I am slowly getting to the point that I can just laugh at him and say "well that sucks for you" but darnit..grow up and quit already! Yes, I had my moments way long ago when stuff first started going on but now? Now it is old and you are dragging it out and making it something it doesn't need to be. Cheese and rice!!!! I can honestly say I am looking forward to the day that my ex and I can be civil for longer than a day (well, we can at times for more than a week or so but you catch my drift). 

Speaking of the kids..they are growing up so quickly. They both have such little personalities on them. They are both such sensitive souls. I think they get that from me. Pres especially. She gets her feelings hurt easily and isn't afraid to cry. Lately, when Brae goes to bed, Pres has been staying up to have "girly girl time" with me. She quietly walks out of her room with her make up and sits ever so princess-like as I do homework. She says this is because "us girly girls need to be alone sometimes". She is becoming a little lady. I don't know what I am going to do when she starts Kindergarten this fall. Braedyn loooves to spend time with me. At bed time, his new thing is "Mommy, tickle me!". That is how I know he is craving extra lovins. Between his giggles, "tickle me's" and "o yous!".I couldn't love this little boy any more if I tried.

Well, I just thought I would write out a quick blog because I was REALLY grumpy and I hate being grumpy. When I notice I am grumpy, it makes me grumpier. It's a vicious cycle. So until next time, I bid you adieu blog world <3

XoX
-B

the waiting game

If you are military, then you know about the waiting game. It happens that whole week before they come home. They push up dates, then they push them back. They change the times more than you would like. That is where I am sitting right now. I got the call that told me they have pushed his time back. Boo. As if I wasn't already nervous enough, lets add a couple more hours to wait and really stir up the butterflies. You know what though? I am just grateful that he is coming home! I know that there are a lot of people who don't have that luxury. They lost the one they loved. So, I will take the Army pushing him back a couple hours with a smile on my face and an extra hundred butterflies in my stomach ;) because in a few days time I will get to post homecoming photos! How exciting is that? So for now, instead of sitting on my hands with nothing to do, I will blog about things that have been on my mind lately :)

On to other things in life...I am really starting to wonder if I am on the right path in school. I don't know if this is because I started earlier than I should have or because I am completely overwhelmed with everything going on in my life, but I am starting to feel burned out already on the whole nursing career path. Am I really cut out for this? I know I want to do something in the medical field but is being an RN what I REALLY want to do? I guess it is a little late in the game to be asking that but I can't help but wonder if I would feel more satisfied elsewhere. EMT? CNA? LVN? Phlebotomist? I guess only time will tell and since school is paid for right now, I will keep on trekking. It could just be a funk I am in. I tend to change my mind A LOT when it comes to this stuff.

I was on Facebook earlier and I saw some of my friends had read this article about a model who had severe acne. She went online and created a video (that you can watch here) to teach girls how to put on make-up so that it covers up acne without turning clumpy or orange. She was clearly upset about being on camera without make-up because her acne was pretty bad. She has what they call cystic acne (Cystic acne, or nodulocystic acne, is the most severe form of acne vulgaris. Deep, inflamed breakouts develop on the face and/or other areas of the body. The blemishes themselves can become large; some may measure up to several centimeters across). Watching this broke my heart because I can relate. I don't have cystic acne, but I do suffer from acne and the insecurity that without my make-up, I am not beautiful. She is braver than I will ever be for stepping in front of a camera barefaced and letting the world have at it. 90% of the comments were supportive but of course you always have the few jerks who would rather ridicule than applaud this brave young woman. Even at the age of 25 I will not step out of my house without make-up on. It just won't happen. I have to have my hair done, face on, and clothes to match. I literally start to feel my heart race, my palms get sweaty, and a lump forms in my throat when I even start to step outside with no make-up. I am even thinking of ways to make sure Chris doesn't see me without make-up for a while because I am just that insecure! (He has seen me on webcam with no make-up but those things are never clear enough to tell LOL) I hope my daughter doesn't ever have to feel this way..because every girl should feel beautiful with or without make-up.

Ok, I am rambling now so off to bed I go to try and catch some sleep because I know I won't be getting much the next couple of nights because of all the excitement!

XoX
-B

changes

With the fast approaching homecoming of Chris, I decided it is time for a change. First to go, old blog posts and name. I know that a lot of the posts when I was going through my divorce helped a lot of you but I just started to feel like there was too much negative and not enough positive on my blog. I have so much to be thankful for now that I don't want it getting tangled up with the past. So, new layout;new name;no old posts.

Now on to some other business. My P.I.C. Anna is doing a giveaway on her blog. She works for this amazing company called Thirty-One gifts. Some of you may be aware of it, others may not. She has chosen to give away the picnic thermal tote. I own one and I LOVE it! I use it when we go on road trips, to the park, to the lake, to theme parks, etc. It comes in a couple different patterns so you can make it fit your style. All you have to do is become a follower of her blog here :)

Today I picked up the rest of Chris' things from his dad. I can not tell you how amazing it feels to have his stuff here. It makes our place finally feel like home. I had always felt like something was missing without quite knowing what. Now that his things are here, it feels complete :) As most of you know, he will be home within a few days *please insert happy dance*. It has been a long awaited reunion on our part. I have missed him terribly. We all need him home, but I REALLY need him home.

School is quickly coming to an end. When I started, I had no clue how hard it would be to do 3 classes that normally take 16 weeks, in 8 weeks. Between the kids, sitters being in short supply, errands, bills, randomly working, planning a vacation, moving, unpacking, decorating, getting the kids ready for school in the fall, a baby shower, etc...I got a little off track with it. I feel bad because school should always been a main focus for me but I just didn't feel like it was a priority at this point in my life. I think I started it a bit prematurely. I would have been better off waiting until the fall semester but I let my pride get the better of me. I kept telling myself "Of course you can do school..and 3 classes at that. If you don't, who are you and what makes you so special?" I am my own worst enemy.

My posts may be few and far between for the next week or so because of Chris coming home, so please bear with me! I will update with pictures ASAP of course. I mean, I have to show off my man right ;) I just want to say a BIG thank you to everyone who has been there for me through everything. Life has definitely taken me on a path that was least expected, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Until next time blog world, I bid you adieu <3
XoX
-B