I hate that word with a passion. That one simple, tiny word ruins so many lives. Yes, I am guilty of getting a divorce, but not without trying to save my marriage first. I worked hard to save it for the entire 7 years we were together. I made counseling appointments, individual and couple. I tried date nights. I was faithful. I TRIED! But more and more these days I see so many couples turning to divorce without even lifting a finger to save what they started. Too many people, in my opinion, enter into marriage thinking they can easily get out of it with a divorce. They don't think of the consequences. It doesn't just affect you. It affects BOTH people involved, kids if there are any, extended family (sisters, moms, dads, etc), and truthfully...anyone you are with in the future. I sat here reading a post written by a newlywed complaining about her husband. First wrong move: publicizing anything is wrong inside your home. Second: she admitted she didn't even tell HIM what was wrong. You haven't been married a month and you are wanting a divorce? Is there not something completely wrong with that picture? Marriage isn't 50/50. It is 100/100. Every day you wake up, remind yourself "I love this man. He is my husband. I will do my best to make him and myself happy today". It is work. Every day, it is work to make a marriage successful. I am a firm believer in not publicizing when there is something wrong at home. If you and your spouse aren't happy, that is between you TWO. It is not for Facebook to know. Joe blow and Susie Q don't care. When you tell the world there is a problem, the Devil will step in. Do I think you should hold everything in? No. However, there are only a few people who might care if something happens to you and your husband..and you won't find them on Facebook. You need a support system that will tell you "work it out!" not "leave his ass". With that being said..the first person you should ever tell there is a problem to is your spouse. Only he/she can fix what they are doing wrong. If they don't know, they can't fix it. So, stop telling the world and start telling your spouse!
STOP thinking divorce is the answer to a broken relationship. Are there exceptions? Sure. I can bet on it that 99% of those divorces don't fall into that exception category though. I am not an expert in relationships. Like I mentioned above, I have been through a divorce. But I took what I went through and I LEARNED from it. Am I perfect? No. I still hold a few things in expecting Chris to just "know" what I want him to do and get mad when he doesn't. Difference is, I recognize it. I work on it every day. I work on the damage my ex did to me so it doesn't affect my marriage now. I WORK on me and my marriage every day because I believe that is what it takes. I will not get a divorce again. I was taught if something is broken, you fix it. You don't give up. So, I won't. So, here is to already celebrating our 50 years of marriage ;)
Yep, I am a new mom all over again. Things have changed so much in the 4 (well almost) years since Braedyn was born. I am having to ask other NEW moms what the heck certain things are or if what I am feeling is normal. Sounds ridiculous right? Well, it's true. Not to mention this overwhelming sense of "I am not ready!" that just won't leave. I do not feel prepared in the slightest. I did for a short moment when the car seat arrived..but then it reared its ugly head again when I realized we have little to no clothes for her. What is my baby gonna wear? I know most of what they wear as newborns is sleepers and onesies, but we have a VERY limited amount of those. People also ask if her nursery is done. Um, it isn't even STARTED! Yes, I am that mom. 32 weeks and no crib or changing table. I have a bassinet :) That counts right? With the other two, nurseries were set up but not used until about 2-3 months so I figured I have a little time. Wishful thinking? Perhaps. I know once she is here I am not going to have any motivation what so ever to get anything done, let alone set up a nursery, but I can hope. Wanna hear something else preposterous for a mom of 2? I am scared of labor. Yep. I remember my labor and delivery with my other two, but I don't feel like I know what to expect. Do you ever really know, even if you have had more than one? I think about everything that could go wrong. I had uterine bleeds in the beginning of my pregnancy..and I think "what if that tear/bleed happens during labor causing an emergency c-section, then surgery to repair, and I am left with a 'no more pregnancy' status?" or "what if she is so big I can't push her out and have to have a c-section?" The list goes on and on. The things I forgot far outweigh what I remember. What if I am not a good mom to a newborn baby anymore? What if I drop her? What if I don't wake up when she cries and she is traumatized for life? What if I clip her little finger instead of her nail and she is scarred? What if I leave her in her rock n play to fix dinner, and she falls out or the puppy suffocates her or the kids think they are helping but hurt her instead? I sound ridiculous, I know, but seriously...I think about all these things. How did you deal with having a newborn after such a long break?
Weight. Unfortunately, it is something I have struggled with my whole life. I was never big growing up. In fact, I was always tiny. I didn't see it then, of course, but now I do. Getting told on a regular basis "don't wear that, it makes your ass look huge" or "I can see your gut, change that shirt" among other *ahem* nice things, I always felt HUGE. I was never huge..not until after I had my son and was in a downward spiral of depression. I stepped on the scale one day and bawled my eyes out. I had never weighed so much in my life. Why had I let myself go? So I worked my ass off to get back to where I was before I had my daughter. I looked damn good and felt it for once in my life. Then I got pregnant again and well, weight has reared its ugly little head again. Yes, I know I am pregnant. Yes, I know I am supposed to gain weight. No, I do not diet while pregnant...but there is a little part of my brain in the verrrrrry back going "good grief you are HUGE" "don't wear that, you look like a whale" "OMGosh you probably waddle" and so on and so on. I try to shut this voice up. It doesn't matter who tells me I am tiny for being so pregnant..or what the doctors say about the weight gain (cause I do eat..but I am also incredibly active)...all it takes is ONE person to go "wow, you are getting big" or "yep, definitely about to pop" or as my husband found out "why are you wearing those pants? where did they come from. They look like spandex" to make me break down crying. Did he mean it in a hurtful way? No. He was genuinely curious as to where I got those pants and what type of pants were they. He didn't say I looked bad or I looked huge..and most of the people who say I am big, don't mean it that way. Does it matter? No. The night my husband said that, I sat in the closet after taking the pants off, and cried. I cried cause I felt huge. I cried because I have nothing to wear. I cried because I know that after I have the baby, I will be flabby and my worst nightmares will become a reality. I will look like a whale for real. There is no baby belly there to disguise it. I have a feeling this is going to be an ugly game that I play with myself for years to come. Thankfully, my daughter will NEVER hear those words from me. She gets told regularly she is beautiful. She is told how she can make any outfit cute. I compliment her a million times a day..in a million different ways. I will do that for my daughter who has yet to be born as well. I hate that women have such a hard time in society these days with what is "ok" and what looks "good". Enough of my ramblings, for now blog world, I bid you adieu <3> XoX -B
