I am such a new mom...

Yep, I am a new mom all over again. Things have changed so much in the 4 (well almost) years since Braedyn was born. I am having to ask other NEW moms what the heck certain things are or if what I am feeling is normal. Sounds ridiculous right? Well, it's true. 

Not to mention this overwhelming sense of "I am not ready!" that just won't leave. I do not feel prepared in the slightest. I did for a short moment when the car seat arrived..but then it reared its ugly head again when I realized we have little to no clothes for her. What is my baby gonna wear? I know most of what they wear as newborns is sleepers and onesies, but we have a VERY limited amount of those. People also ask if her nursery is done. Um, it isn't even STARTED! Yes, I am that mom. 32 weeks and no crib or changing table. I have a bassinet :) That counts right? With the other two, nurseries were set up but not used until about 2-3 months so I figured I have a little time. Wishful thinking? Perhaps. I know once she is here I am not going to have any motivation what so ever to get anything done, let alone set up a nursery, but I can hope.

Wanna hear something else preposterous for a mom of 2? I am scared of labor. Yep. I remember my labor and delivery with my other two, but I don't feel like I know what to expect. Do you ever really know, even if you have had more than one? I think about everything that could go wrong. I had uterine bleeds in the beginning of my pregnancy..and I think "what if that tear/bleed happens during labor causing an emergency c-section, then surgery to repair, and I am left with a 'no more pregnancy' status?" or "what if she is so big I can't push her out and have to have a c-section?" The list goes on and on.

The things I forgot far outweigh what I remember. What if I am not a good mom to a newborn baby anymore? What if I drop her? What if I don't wake up when she cries and she is traumatized for life? What if I clip her little finger instead of her nail and she is scarred? What if I leave her in her rock n play to fix dinner, and she falls out or the puppy suffocates her or the kids think they are helping but hurt her instead? I sound ridiculous, I know, but seriously...I think about all these things. 

How did you deal with having a newborn after such a long break?

XoX
-B